2. Spiritual Growth and Progress
3. Spiritual Equality / Material Difference
4. Positive and Realistic Vision
5. Mutual Respect and Appreciation
6. Commitment and Dedication
7. Open & Honest Communications
8. Personal and Social Responsibility
9. Economic Development & Prosperity
10. Focus on Children's Welfare
11. Family Love and Affection
12. Exemplary Lifestyle
1. Alignment with Srila Prabhupada
• Krishna Conscious family life is consistent
with the teachings and example of Srila Prabhupada.
• Srila Prabhupada’s teachings must be applied with
consideration of time, place and circumstance.
• In the field of grihastha life, one should take into account
the local culture without compromising Srila Prabhupada’s
teachings. One should not attempt to simply transpose practices
from one culture to another without understanding the principles
and values underpinning them.
2. Spiritual Growth and Progress
• Family life (and the home itself) should be
an ashrama, a place for spiritual culture.
• The grihastha ashrama is considered higher than the
brahmachari ashrama, an opportunity for personal and spiritual
growth by extending one’s responsibility.
• Mutual respect between the ashramas is an essential feature of
a healthy society.
• Personal growth and character formation are integral to the
process of spiritual development.
• Though Vaisnava theology values ultimate renunciation, such
renunciation has to be internal and mature. Otherwise it is
inappropriate and may be dangerous both individually and
socially.
3. Spiritual Equality / Material Difference
• The Gaudiya Vaisnava theology offers a clear
conceptual model to address issues of unity and diversity, and
contemporary notions of equality and underpinning views and
values.
• Men and women exhibit general physical and psychological
differences that need to be acknowledged as practical realities,
while simultaneously avoiding rigid and/or unhealthy stereotypes.
• Husband and wife best negotiate their respect roles with
consideration of Krishna Consciousness and their own personal
and cultural backgrounds.
• Men and women have equal rights to practice spiritual life,
and to develop their individual relationships with Krishna.
• Householders are advised to integrate—as far as possible—their
material and spiritual identities. Even though the latter is
ultimately more important, a devotee should not neglect
self-understanding on the material level.
4. Positive and Realistic Vision
• One should enter the grihastha ashrama with
the correct attitudes and expectations, especially being careful
to avoid misinterpretation of scriptural truths and/or being
influenced by inappropriate personal/social paradigms.
• One should, as far as possible, avoid both negative attitudes
and unrealistic expectations towards married life—both may
dampen one’s enthusiasm. It is also essential to hold before
oneself suitable criteria for “a successful marriage.”
• Marriage should be chosen for the appropriate reasons—for
example, out of a sense of one’s individual dharma rather than a
mentality of profit-calculation.
• Long-term vision and strategic planning are important aspects
of householder life—while simultaneously maintaining a mood of
dependence on Krishna.
• Support from elders, as far as possible/practical, is
important in entering into any marriage arrangement.
5. Mutual Respect and Appreciation
• Respect for all others is a basic Vaisnava
value.
• Without mutual appreciation, it is not possible to develop
more intimate relationships. A decline in appreciation will lead
to a deteriorating relationship.
• One should visibly appreciate the spouse, even (or especially)
for regularly-performed or obligatory duties.
• One should learn to develop intimacy without familiarity.
• Grihasthas should develop a sense of mutual protection—though
this may be expressed in different ways by/for each partner.
6. Commitment and Dedication
• With determination and unshakable commitment
one can surmount the inevitable hard times that come in married
life.
• Affection and love don’t happen automatically—as in the
popularized concept of romantic love—but are developed through
service.
• Divorce should be avoided at all costs, i.e. except in
exceptional circumstances.
7. Open and Honest Communication
• One should set aside quality time for heart
to heart communications with the spouse and children.
-11-
Lesson Two Principles and Values
• Revealing one’s heart/mind in confidence, and listening, are
important exchanges between Vaisnavas.
• One should maintain open dialogues with appropriate others,
and avoid denial, especially on sensitive issues, e.g. intimacy
and sex-life.
• It is often useful to actively seek training in communications
skills.
8. Personal and Social Responsibility
• Entering the grihastha ashram is an
opportunity to take on more Krishna Conscious responsibility.
• Devotees, as servants of Krishna, are also servants of society.
• Devotees can preach effectively by demonstrating
responsibility, integrity, and other exemplary qualities.
• Taking suitable responsibility is essential in overcoming
negative emotions and perceptions, such as low self-esteem,
discouragement, feelings of failure, etc.
9. Economic Development and Prosperity
• An important householder duty is to generate
wealth and prosperity by ethical means.
• A householder should not neglect his duties regarding wealth
and developing economic stability. Poverty, as well as greed,
can be impediments to spiritual life.
• A devotee should avoid an unhealthy poverty-mentality,
understanding the potential benefits of prosperity, both
individually and to promote Krishna Consciousness.
• Charity is an essential duty for grihasthas.
10. Focus on Children’s Welfare
• Nurturing spiritually qualified children is
the main purpose of married life, and their welfare is the main
priority of householders.
• Children should not be neglected for any reason, e.g. in the
name of so-called spiritual life. Parents should recognize the
difference between a children’s various legitimate and essential
needs and their “wants.”
• Financial stability is necessary to help fulfil children’s
needs.
• Proactive steps must be taken to avoid all forms of child
abuse.
• Parents best develop affection and a sense of protection and
responsibility towards all children in the community, not just
their own offspring.
• Krishna Consciousness should be made relevant and accessible
to children, especially teens.
• Hypocrisy is most damaging to children’s faith in the Krishna
Conscious process and the corresponding authority figures.
• Parents should accept appropriate support and training in
regards to rearing children.
11. Family Love and Affection
• It is natural to have affection for others,
and especially other Vaisnavas. Krishna consciousness does not
accrue from simply negating or stifling worldly-affection; nor
are family ties necessarily an impediment to Krishna
Consciousness.
• A stable emotional background, where family members feel
wanted and appreciated, is essential for children’s personal and
spiritual growth.
• There is great value in a strong sense of community, as
traditionally expressed through the extended family.
12. Regulated, Balanced & Exemplary Lifestyle
• Regulation is an important feature of
devotee life, especially for householders who have to juggle
many different types of responsibility.
• Devotees moving to the second ashram should anticipate
significant changes in lifestyle. Some difficulties in
establishing a balanced and regulated lifestyle are to be
expected, and one should seek suitable support and guidance.
• Householders require recreation and social life, and should
develop suitable means, such as spiritually based social
gatherings.
• Household life is to facilitate regulated sense-enjoyment. A
householder should maintain healthy attitudes towards
sense-enjoyments, demonstrating neither strong attraction nor
inappropriate aversion.
• Householders should maintain their spiritual priorities (e.g.
sadhana), as well as upholding their more-worldly obligations.
• Suitable engagement with the world is often an integral part
of both personal growth and outreach —preaching.
• Preaching without practical example is not effective. Devotee
householders should demonstrate such exemplary lifestyles that
others become inquisitive as to what underlies their success.
• Role models, especially in the form of successful grihasthas,
are very much needed within the Society.
• Devotee householders should negotiate and establish their own
lifestyles, with reference to Krishna Conscious principles and
values with consideration of their individual natures, needs,
backgrounds, etc.
Here are the principles and values we see for Vaishnava married couples (Grihasthas).We have a brochure of the twelve principles and values with additional information about them on our brochures page. For your convenience here is another link to that downloadable pdf file:
